The rise of the stalker: the other pandemic

While online dating has increased during the lockdowns, so have calls to one security firm from women being stalked.

There’s no denying it: the pandemic has been great for the online dating business. While downloads for the top 15 dating apps were shrinking in the lead-up to 2020, this burning bin of a year changed all that. By March, the likes of Dating.com, Bumble, Tinder and Plenty of Fish were all recording significant spikes. Cupid Loves ‘Rona, indeed.

Clearly, during a time of social isolation, people were desperate for that human connection. (Facebook and Twitter also recorded big bumps from April onwards.) And it probably goes without saying that those countries particularly afflicted by the pandemic have been spending more time on Tinder and chatting for longer.

However, with the lessening of lockdown, and the chance to finally meet your online beaus in person, there could be a nasty surprise in store. That special He or She could turn out to be the date from Hell. And we’re not just talking about someone who’s rude to the waiter (though that’s red flag enough).

Some people are just highly skilled at deception and manipulation: you won’t be the first — and, sadly, you probably won’t be their last. Karen Connell is founder of high-end security firm Hunter Protection. Incessant texts and calls, stalking, property damage, theft, revenge porn — even violence: Karen’s witnessed them all. Since lockdown, she’s also taken a number of calls from women whose dates haven’t taken ‘No’ for an answer. Says Karen, “The woman who says ‘no’ is not entitled, she is not stuck up, she is not aggressive, and she is not a psycho. No means No.” Her clients typically get in touch for protection — but also for their expertise in helping victims extract themselves from a toxic situation; to teach them how to spot a wrong’un in the first place.

One of the most common forms of abuse is stalking. For those on the receiving end, it can be devastating. Data from the Crime Survey of England and Wales shows up to 700, 000 women are stalked each year, while one in five women and one in ten men will experience staking in their adult life. Sadly, victims do not tend to report to the police until the 100th Incident. And the effect on victims can be traumatic: 50% have curtailed or stopped work due to stalking. Disturbingly, one in two domestic stalkers will act on a threat they’ve made.

Says Karen, “Stalking is serious. Stalking isn’t fun, and it’s incredibly personal. We should not minimise it as a sign of passion or undying love, it’s about power and control. Handled incorrectly, stalking can escalate very quickly, and it isn’t unknown for stalking to turn into rape or murder.” While both men and women can fall victim to stalking, as Karen says, “it is women who are the overwhelming victims of serious crime that started with stalking.”

Not every awkward would-be lothario turns out to be a creep. But, as Karen says, for those who’ve been through the mill at the hands of one, “Giving them their power and independence back is amazing and knowing that they’re armed with new knowledge to help them spot and stop the creeps is very satisfying.”